Career Setbacks: How they shaped my Journey to Product Leadership
Ever felt like your career is stuck? I know I have. Here are my learnings on how to move forward and thrive.
I was at the peak of my career. Probably a year or two away from becoming a “Head” or “Director”. I was leading high-profile accounts and finally felt like all my hard work was paying off. Then my partner suggested we leave our home country and move to Germany - for a better future. It felt like pressing a pause on everything I had accomplished, but I told myself it would be worth it in the long-run.
So I quit my job and moved to Germany. A year or two passed by and I was watching my friends and ex-colleagues getting new attractive titles, such as “Head of”, “Lead”, “Director”... It hurt. It really did. Especially when reading that someone who was never the brightest star in the room got the Title that I wanted, you know what I mean? In those early years it was hard to brush off the feeling that if I stayed, I would have been there as well.
After moving to Germany, it took me almost 8 years to become a Product Director. In the meantime I was continuously learning and improving, but I also had to manage situations that many can relate to, especially women and minorities - from being underpaid, misleveled, micromanaged, to simply being insulted. Can you imagine having a meeting where a tech lead calls you out in front of colleagues about your lack of “technical background”, just because he wants to undermine your opinion but doesn’t have any better ammunition? Of course, some setbacks were just bad luck - from companies getting insolvent, to Covid.
Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
You might have heard or read a saying that careers are marathons, not sprints. There are multiple events that can pose setbacks at our workplace and make us unhappy, such as:
Finding out that a colleague on the same or lower position is earning more than we do
Management making unpopular decisions in a way that is not clearly communicated
Changes in the org structure that affect us and people we closely work with
Reporting to a new manager who we don’t trust
Someone else getting promoted (but not us)
Such events are usually discussed in coffee breaks, when colleagues start sharing their concerns, and in no time they tend to snowball into “nothing is right”, “this sucks” and “this is not for me” mindset.
So what is a setback in this context? For me it is simply: two steps forward, one step back. You keep your head down, you get the work done, you continuously excel, but something happens and things don’t go as you were hoping. Yes, it is hard and not everyone is at the right place at the right time.
The last thing to do when we are in such a mindset is - to look for another job. Instead, master the skills of Patience and Forthright on your journey to success.
How to use Patience and Forthright in Career Setbacks?
Let me share one story with you. Alex had a proven track record of excelling as a Manager when she decided to change the team and area, due to bad culture and lack of leadership in the old team. Her new manager Marion told her that she sees her as a Senior Manager and Alex felt an instant rush of confidence. In 3 months when the next performance cycle was just around the corner, Alex asked Marion if she would be promoted. But Marion said no, she won’t make a case for her promotion in this round.
Reason? Alex has been in the new team for only 3 months, none of the new projects are yet completed and she wants to see how she will manage the new area. Marion said that if they try, the case will most likely be challenged and fail. Quite disappointing and not something Alex was expecting.
Nevertheless, after taking her time to think about it, Alex agreed with Marion to present her case in the next cycle and complete the critical projects that will make her promotion case unquestionable to the committee, but also to her new manager. Crucially, Alex wanted to build trust with Marion. Alex got promoted the next time, with the full support of her manager. Marion strongly advocated for Alex to get promoted again 1 year later, as she was on a fast-track and continuously excelling.
Patience: The Skill that fosters better Decision-Making
How to stay Patient when faced with Obstacles?
Control your Response. Challenges often involve factors beyond our control. By focusing on what we can control - for example, our attitude and response, we feel more empowered and less frustrated.
My previous manager told me I should be a Lead. I delivered X projects, why is this not enough? Such reactions are emotional and defensive, and sound like you’re trying to prove your manager wrong,
Take a deep breath and use a mental cheat sheet:
Is this information unexpected? Surprising? Maybe even shocking?
Does this information have a big impact on my future career?
If answers are “yes”, or “potentially yes”, don’t discuss the topic right away as it might look like you’re overreacting. Instead, ask for time to think about it and come back later. This is how you stay in Control.
Seek Guidance. Sometimes simply discussing a problem with our colleagues can relieve stress. Without any bad intention, very often such discussions can spiral into endless complaints, especially in larger groups and outside of working hours - it is only natural to seek affirmation from others.
My manager is the same, I think they all want us to work more and no one is ever getting promoted. Alex felt like she’s not alone when others started talking about problems with their managers. Our “pack” is great for immediate support, but it should never influence our decision.
What you need is guidance and perspective. Try to find a more senior person, a mentor or manager from another team, a trustworthy and mature colleague with whom you can talk 1:1 and who will actively listen to your concerns and ambitions, someone who can provide valuable perspective and help you work through challenges.
Reframing Negative Thoughts. It would’ve been easy for Alex to jump to the conclusion that her new manager just doesn’t like her and that she will never get promoted. We’ve all been there. Be kind to yourself. Accept that everyone faces challenges and that it’s okay to experience frustration or disappointment. Reframe negative thoughts about the setback.
Instead of thinking: I'm failing, I will never get promoted, She doesn’t like me…
Remind yourself: I'm learning and improving. I know that I’m great at my job. I love what I do.
Adopt a growth mindset - view challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as roadblocks. When you recognize that every obstacle can teach you something, it's easier to stay patient and not let frustration take over.
Focus on the Big Picture. Setbacks are often a smaller part of a larger journey - but large obstacles can be overwhelming. Reflect on where you want to be in one or five years and break the problem into manageable steps.
With the performance cycle around the corner, Alex could have jumped on the “solution” by trying to quickly finalize a couple of open tasks or projects. In reality, she still wouldn’t get promoted and she might risk her long-term relationship with her manager.
By focusing on building trust with your manager and coming up with a plan to achieve your immediate and long-term goals, you might get a new perspective that can motivate you to stay patient through the temporary difficulties.
Forthright: The Skill of getting to Clarity
How to be Open and Direct to Succeed?
Avoid Assumptions by seeking Clarification. Assuming you know what others are thinking or intending can lead to miscommunication. This often results in misunderstandings, errors, or unintentional conflict, as the information you’re acting on may be incorrect. Alex heard from a couple of people that Marion rarely puts her direct reports up for promotion. First - remember to reframe any negative thoughts as those can lead to (incorrect) assumptions.
Instead of confronting your manager by saying: I heard no one from our team has been promoted.
Ask them for examples of successfully promoted team members and if it would be okay to talk to them directly to better familiarize yourself with the process.
It is important for your career and growth to make informed decisions, meaning you want to distinguish gossip from verified information. Marion advised Alex to talk to another team member who got promoted in the last cycle, which was an eye opening and valuable experience for her.
Address Issues Head-On. Rather than avoiding difficult conversations or sugar-coating problems, being direct allows for constructive discussions that can lead to solutions.
Alex admitted to Marion that her early statement I see you as a Senior Manager led her to think that she will soon be promoted. She also expressed that such a statement created an unrealistic excitement and even led to stress.
When problems are addressed openly and immediately, they can be resolved more efficiently. This proactive approach helps prevent small issues from becoming larger crises.
Set Realistic Expectations. Setting expectations with your manager is essential for common alignment on the goals, performance standards and priorities.
Realistically, neither Alex nor Marion were successful in setting expectations for Alex’s role of Senior Manager from the beginning. Reckless statement made when Alex joined the new team was not clarified early on.
If you ever find yourself in such a situation, ensure to directly communicate a roadmap you have in mind for your career and growth.
It is a joint responsibility to create a culture of trust and ensure there are no missed opportunities, while continuously facilitating career conversations.
Looking back…
…I realise that each setback was part of my journey. For sure, there were moments when I wanted to give up and move back home, thinking everything would be better. Still, those challenges taught me more than any Title ever could - I developed skills and tools that helped me thrive in the long run. And now, I am looking forward to share my experience.